“Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)
Paul accurately identifies the greatest needs in both husbands and wives. Both Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs and Dr. Willard Harley, famous marriage counselors, agree on this. Men need respect and women need love.
But what about Aretha Franklin’s great anthem, RESPECT. Didn’t she speak for all women when she demanded respect? Actually, Aretha didn’t write that song, nor was it written for her – or for any other woman. Otis Redding wrote both the music and the lyrics and he intended to record it himself. In that song Otis was expressing something that men would love to say – that they’ll make any sacrifice as long as they get the respect and appreciation that’s due them.
It’s important that wives understand this. No one’s ego has been so deeply wounded as that of the American male. Over the last forty years our media has engaged in an endless barrage of male-bashing. In movies, TV, and even advertisement, men are habitually portrayed as weak and useless appendages of society. Feminists may enjoy doing this, but it comes at a painful cost. It disempowers men from giving to women the very things they need – love, affection, and security.
As a result, wives are deprived of the affection and love they yearn for. Without love and affection wives will begin to feel used and abused in lovemaking. Resentment will build up in their hearts, further disabling them from responding to their husbands. You see, God built into the marriage relationship an inter-dependency. Bring down one partner and you will hurt the other also. This becomes so clear in the marriage counseling office. Couples are at each other’s throats. They’re both running on empty. She’s gone too long without love, affection, and romance. He’s gone too long without being respected or appreciated, and both feel powerless to help the other.
The Bible looks to the husband to take the first step in bringing healing to the marriage. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church.” “Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Begin by asking God to heal and soften your own heart. God can rekindle love within you and empower you to meet the needs of your wife by showing your love through non-sexual actions – giving cards, love notes, hugs, kisses, gifts, and telling her you love her.
REFLECTION
- Does marriage still work? Just ask John and Charlotte Henderson of Austin, TX and Teresa and Sam Mentesana of Kansas City, MO. In 2019 both couples celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary. In the same year Johnny and Fannie Chaffin of Paris, Texas celebrated their 82nd wedding anniversary. Marriage works fine. It just needs its share of regular maintenance and some TLC.
