WHEN EMPATHS AND NARCISSISTS MEET
We are probably all familiar with the term “narcissist.” It refers to a self-centered, self-absorbed, and manipulative person. A narcissist typically views himself as the center of the universe and all others as the means for his gratification and promotion. Narcissists cannot empathize with other peoples’ suffering. Instead, they tend to demean others – often as a means of getting them to do their bidding. Naturally, narcissists need to be the continual focus of attention and they’ll become irritated if the spotlight turns to someone else.
Empaths, on the other hand, are at the opposite end of the spectrum. They genuinely feel for other people and seem to be able to read the hidden emotions of others. They are often selfless in their actions. For it troubles them when others are suffering and they are willing to do almost anything to ease that suffering and bear their pain. Naturally, this can be emotionally draining. This is why empaths who fill the role of counselors, pastors, nurses, and doctors are particularly susceptible to burnout. For there is no end to the pain they will try to ease.
Of course, it only takes one narcissist to do the “emotional draining” that an entire hospital full of suffering people will do. This is why some of the most abusive relationships between men and women are those which include an empath and a narcissist. One partner keeps giving, while the other just keeps taking. And if the empath doesn’t come to grips with the abusive nature of their partner and learn to establish boundaries for themselves, they’ll self-destruct in an effort to heal and to help.
I’m speaking from some personal experience here. I score pretty high on the empathetic scale and I’ve had my own share of abusive encounters with narcissists. Such people have tried to bleed me of every last drop of compassion. Then, if I’m unable to meet their impossible demands, they proceed to inflict guilt on me for not measuring up. And in the end I feel drained, beat up, and depressed.
Perhaps I’m committing the unpardonable sin by saying this, but the Black Lives Matter movement is leaving me with that same “drained, beat up, and depressed” feeling. There’s a deep narcissism in this movement that takes and takes all that compassionate people have to give, yet it remains unsatisfied.
What are the stated goals of Black Lives Matter? How does it define success or mission accomplishment? When will its thirst for recompense and reparations ever be quenched? I suspect that no amount of groveling, remorse, or apologies will ever be enough. No amount of affirmative action will ever satisfy its appetite.
And what does Black Lives Matter really mean? If the movement finds it offensive for someone to say, “All lives matter,” then I’m inclined to think it means, “Black Lives Matter More” or “Only Black Lives Matter.” Why has it become “racist” to say that everyone’s life has value and importance? In the wake of the Black Lives Matter movement “equality” has itself become racist.
If equality has become intolerable to the Black Lives Matter movement, isn’t this a classic display of narcissism? For it cannot bear to be out of the spotlight. The narcissist is not willing to acknowledge that anyone’s life, accomplishments, or suffering are valid except his own. The Black Lives Matter Movement reeks of narcissism, for it’s unwilling to share its forum with any other cause, nor can it tolerate any criticism.
And just as the narcissist-empath relationship leaves one partner badly beat up and exhausted, so the Black Lives Matter movement is leaving millions of compassionate people in America wore out, depressed, and discouraged. They’re realizing that nothing they can give or do will ever be enough.
And just who is benefitted by the Black Lives Matter movement? Well, ask yourself, “Who achieves anything in life by believing their success depends on everyone else’s actions? Who finds peace of mind by nurturing fear that another racial group is out to get them? Who obtains forgiveness from God when they themselves harbor hatred and grievances against others? Who experiences personal, professional, or spiritual growth by blaming others for their troubles?” Obviously, Black Lives Matter will not benefit African Americans, except for the few who are after political power.
If you are offended by what I say, please keep your eyes on Jesus. Dismiss me as a fellow flawed human and keep trusting in Him who was tempted in every way as we are, yet who never sinned (Hebrews 4:15).
But America is in a crisis. Many Americans are hurting and fearful. Many more are emotionally exhausted. Only God can come to our rescue. Only by turning to God can our hearts be healed and mended. Only God has the power to soften and melt our embittered hearts, remove their poison, and fill them with His Love. Only God can restore us to Himself and to each other. Only God can remove our blindness and open our eyes to see the good in one another. Only God can heal our minds and restore our sanity.
Stop listening to all the poison that flows from our media and those who love to fan the flames of racism. We are all their victims. Turn to God and give your attention to the promises of His word. “Turn to Me and be saved, all you ends of the earth. For I am God and there is no other” (Isaiah 45:22).
PRAYER: Dear Father in Heaven, please bring healing, help, and peace to the hearts of Americans of every color. Please heal America’s divisions and mend its every flaw. Pour out Your Spirit upon us, O God. Turn us to You in faith and repentance and to each other in love and reconciliation. Fill our hearts with hope for a God-fearing, Christ-honoring, and racist-free future. Through Jesus Christ. Amen.
