You have lost a parent. You’ve grieved. Now what? There’s no easy way to figure out where to go from here or how to properly move on from grieving. The undeniable truth is that your life will never be the same again. You have lost a parent, and now you have to move on with your life, which now does not have that parent in it. That doesn’t mean you forget them, it just means they are not there for you on a daily basis.
What you need to understand is that no matter what, your Heavenly Father is still there. He will always be with you. Day in and day out. Run to him when you feel distraught or upset or excitement or joy, and he will comfort you and guide you toward the next part of your life.
My mom died in her sleep on September 12, 2010. She looked peaceful when I first saw her dead which gave me comfort. Since that day, my life has been forever different. The worst part is that she was starting to get so much better the last 3 months of her life. She was eating, getting out, wearing make-up—almost back to her old self. Our last conversation on the phone was beautiful—I will never forget it. I know that she knew I loved her more than anything in this world.
For the 6 weeks after mom’s death, I was completely numb. It did not seem real, while I grieved tremendously, the real feeling of loss did not set in until about 2 weeks ago—right after the 2-month mark. I have realized that she is gone and have become extremely angry. Angry at how she could do this to me. Angry at the fact that she had to leave when we had so many years ahead. I am so depressed. I have pains in my body and am losing a great deal of weight. Slowly I see myself shutting out friends and loved ones – people that have cared for me during this time and others that have let me down. I sleep a great deal. I think of her every moment of every day. I go to school and on the weekends just want to be alone. The thought of Christmas makes me cry. I feel that I will never be truly happy again. I have no immediate family to turn my attention toward—just a father and brother 6,000 miles away that I am not close to. What now?
Sometimes I can be happy but it is short-lived and only when I am with other people in a social setting. Going to the gym and school seem to be my only healthy outlets but those are waning as well. If things progress as they are, I will be a lonely man sitting at home with absolutely no one. Will things ever get better?
I felt a pain in my heart. I am not speaking metaphorically; I mean I really felt my heart hurting! Then I started to cry. Now I never cry; I can’t; it is not some Manly Man thing. I have just been through so much in my life and have had to be the strong one that I guess over time my body has adjusted to not crying. I cried for the first time in about 9 years. The sadness reached to my soul and wouldn’t let go.
I know some people have gone through this. Does it get better with time?
(Stories taken from Experience Project)
In this story, King David loses a son. Perhaps like you, he spent a lot of time praying and fasting and hoping that his child would get better, but it did not happen. Even though he grieved, David moved on with his life and much of the story we know about him as the king takes place after this death.
Scripture: 2 Samuel 12:16–25
- Do you relate to a part or all of the story above? If part, which part(s)?
- What emotions are dominant in your heart right now? Anger? Emptiness? Bewilderment?
- What emotions do you think David was feeling while his son was sick?
- Does David’s response to knowing about his son’s death shock you? Would you want to tell the king of this event?
- If you are struggling with moving on, how do you plan to handle and process those emotions?
- Do you believe that asking God for help and comfort right now makes a difference? Is that something that is easy or hard for you to do?
- What sort of situation do you think the psalmist was in when he wrote that prayer to God? What did the psalm writer believe about God? What was the psalmist feeling?
- How do you think faith influences your grief and desire to move on? How resilient do you think you are when you face these kinds of trials that a military family goes through?
Continue interacting with this topic here.
I struggle to know how to move on without letting my parents down. I don’t want to dishonor them, but I feel as if the time for grieving is over. Help me to figure out how to move on, Lord. Show me how to keep my parent’s memory alive while at the same time moving on with living my own life.